Prayer, silent prayer, makes us confront the truth about ourselves... we discover in the stillness the many masks we have put on, the pretensions, false aspirations, and affections that have become misarranged... and always, someone praying in this way discovers, quite painfully and with much emotional discomfort, that the whole point of life is to journey towards the Truth... and so prayer becomes necessary.
I have realized through recent prayer how often I have abandoned Jesus in my life... this is my great sin, my weakness, the point where I easily miss the mark... abandoning the friendship which He has so labored for in my own history whenever I decide to deliberately stay away from prayer, or the sacraments, or from any thoughts about God... I have done these many, many times... turning away, even running away from anything religious or spiritual... sometimes, for months, and always with a decisiveness that I'm sure makes the heart of my Lord cry out... I would even tell people about it at times, that I was taking a break... my reason is basic whenever I do this: I desire to pursue what I feel are more important things like money, career achievements, the praise of people, quality time with my family... because life is too short and there are simply too many things to see, experience, and enjoy.
And then I feel that inner stirring once again... or some random events and circumstances in my life seem to converge and then -- how it begins I do not know -- I get a feeling akin to that when I come across an interesting book or movie... I feel being drawn and I ride on the feeling... then I look for or make a quiet place in my house, survey a line or two of scripture... then I become silent, still, and most alone... despite my self, I give in... and they begin anew, these encounters with One who desires my heart more than anyone else I know in my life... He leads me to face the truth about myself and makes me confront surprising answers to the biggest question of the ages: who am I?
I prayed daily last week and again this week, following the plan of Ignatius of Loyola, a man who God so radically plunged into a cold pool of self-examination and discovery... and what truth am I discovering?
I am nothing without Christ.
This blog site is a collection of some of my spiritual reflections gained while in prayer or in the midst of my day-to-day life. It was begun at a time when I felt that Jesus was calling me once again to intimacy with Him through daily contemplative prayer, especially as guided by the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius de Loyola. The words and thoughts I record here are little pebbles thrown in the wide lake of life. The pebbles are mine; the ripples are of Christ.
No comments:
Post a Comment